Hold on to your Dreams....

Ever since we are born, we become our parents dream and they set some rules and boundaries for us to shape and help us grow into a better person, which allows us to either fulfil their dream or our dream. Thankfully I have become one of those people I would like myself to be.

 

Even when my marriage broke down 95% of people disappeared from my life. It would be wrong if I say it didn't hurt me, but I was already broken with my marriage so it didn't gave me much of a shock. Then there were those people who started attracting to me mostly because I was in same situation like them, being a divorcee. Some became really good friends and some just stayed for awhile and then disappeared. Even in the church I used to go, I became a Hot Topic after my divorce, people wanted to interact either to gossip or for a marriage proposal with someone with no visa, once I made it clear that I was not interested than all the people disappeared.

 

My life has always been like a up down hill road, one comes and one is ready to leave. But ironically it never happened with a partner, I wish it did, lol.. ;) I always dreamed of a good looking guy with killing looks coming my way, but it never even happened. I am no Miss Universe so I guess I over expected from my dream man as well, but I must say I did got many proposals from which mostly were due to Residency purpose. As I am citizen and many Indian guys are here on either no visa or struggling to extend there visa, they will truly even marry a 60 year old, so I am certainly a better option. I have spoken to a guy once who was only interested in going to a lawyer to discuss his residency after getting married to me, and didn't even asked me one question about myself, and that was it, I said NO. I still believe that one day my prince charming will come and fit in my life like a puzzle does, that day all the wrongs will become right and all the sadness will turn into happiness.

 

I have passed 30 years in struggling but still believing that good thing happens to good people, I do loose my hope every now and then, but always happy with whatever decisions I make. But on those dark days when I am super low and see no light at the end of the tunnel, I have wonderful friends/family + super gorgeous daughter who makes me see my dreams again.

 

Motherhood for a Single Parent

When anyone starts to plan a baby, all the thoughts and expectation are usually positive. Being a mum is a miracle and not everyone can enjoy this wonderful thing, but it also come with some drawbacks. Just like everyone when I was expecting, I had all this thoughts about how will i raise my little one and what all i will do for her, but somehow reality is totally different. I received many messages about how motherhood is different if you are a single parent and also regarding how I cope with day to day struggles. And if you are someone like me who have no family/relatives/friends to help around, than a bit salute to you my friend, its hard very hard and not everyone can get it plus not every can do it. So this blog is dedicated to those mums asking me questions regarding what i do to go through a normal busy day. 

First of all everyday is different, i cannot sum-up a formula which will work everyday to not loose your sanity. I am not super-woman, even i loose it sometimes, but then i just remind myself that regardless how crap i am feeling, this little person needs me and only got me for everything, and somehow this does help me bring back a smile on my face. Some mums are blessed with calm kids, I am not one of them, my little bundle of joy is actually a bundle of too much energy. Regardless how busy i make her, she still find ways to make me tired. By end of the day i am tired and longing for a quite time for myself. One more thing that i have seen has worked so far is by only worrying about present. This not only helps you to relax but also takes pressure out to make things happen in advance.

Never compare your kid, every child is different regardless of age and height. Never put that pressure in your head about how your kid is performing at school, as long as the child is doing his/her best in studies and not hitting or bullying someone. 

Teach your child to share and be nice to others, it will take time and some kids will understand in one go and others will take you to repeat quite a few times before they will start doing it. Repeat yourself again and again in front of them, do not keep a count of how many times you have done that already, lol. Some mums will tel you about how they told their kid once and ever since then they are behaving great, ignore them, every child is different. Don't focus on time out, instead focus on the positive behavior and it will help you to be positive.

Last but not the least, when you child is having a tantrum or just being a tough-child, remind yourself your age. This will not only remind you that how big age difference you have with your child but also give you few seconds to calm down and trust me you will act way better to your child's behavior after this. If its normal for you to loose yourself even being in your 30's than its quite normal for a child with age 10 times less than you to loose it as well. Your little one is still learning to cope with the everyday situations and as well as to control his/her emotions, you are their primary source and teacher.

To sum up, not everything will work fantastic everyday, Its normal to have few tantrums and upset moments during the day, its life. When its night and your little one is asleep plus you get your suite time, in 5 minutes you will miss that little person running around you. Every night when my daughter falls asleep, I thank God for another wonderful day and to help me cope with it.

Love them, hug them, always remember there are some who cant have them and you are lucky to be blessed with one.

Have a wonderful day with your bub.. You are doing the best for your bub.

Will look forward to your comments and messages...

:)

Being a Super Mum aka Being a 100% Parent

When we become parents, we tend to have this expectation from ourself to give the best and 100% to our kids. And when time pass we do try to make it happen for our kids, but like me there are many parents who tend to think every night that today would have been abit more better if a certain incident wouldn't have occurred. From certain incident I mean things like a tantrum where child was bit over tired, etc. If you are one of those parents who go into guilt when something goes wrong or when you were alittle harsh on your little one where you could have been super calmed according to the various articles and parenting tips, I know what you feel, I have been there.

Even though all the parenting tips and articles are a huge help when your moral is low and you need some positive feedback plus just to know there are more parents like you who go through such things, they are not always written by a parent. Every child is different and so does every parent. Doesn't mean that any parent want abit less for their child but still its different when you hear it from a parent or someone who have done loads of study on that topic. As theory wise it makes sense and feels doable, but when you are a parent in that particular situation than the theory makes no sense.

Just like today we had an awesome day, we went to park and than to my little one's friends house for a play date, but by the time I realized she was too tired it was too late. As she was abit restless and crying due to little things, and me trying to make her understand that she is tired and we have to go home to rest didn't make any sense to my DD. According to kids its impossible for them to get tired, and no way they want to miss out on all the play and excitement by having a nap. Our so called good day came to an end with she crying over little things and me trying to drag her to the car so we could get home and she could have alittle rest. We were home in 5 minutes and in next 5 minutes she was already asleep, I must mention when we got home she still wanted to play more with Lego, but I told her off in a firm voice and asked her to lay down in bed. With my denial she got big fat tears in her eyes, which like always broke my heart again but I knew the best thing was to be firm and make her rest and hopefully she will fall asleep. Before I knew she was asleep.

Today was suppose to be a great day according to my expectation, but it wasn't as my DD ended up crying and I feel like a failure, but now when she is asleep all I can think of is that the most important thing is that even though she did got over tired and had a cry, but I learned something from today and may be I will be able to recognize her tiredness much better next time. But above all I did it again, I expected again that I can be a 100% wonderful parent. Where as the truth is if you get a day even 50% great being a parent, then that is beyond any calculation. Less you expect, more you will give. All we need to remind ourself is that they are little and there will be few cries during the day, but all that matters is that how many smiles you had.

Everyday is a new adventure with your little one, no one said it will be a plain road all the times, there will be few bumps here and there, but all that matters it that the adventure you had will give you and your little one great memories for life long. So stop trying to be a super mum and just get along, make few mistakes and then learn from them. Remember when you fall and stand up that will teach your little one that its ok to fall sometimes, but also give them courage to stand up tall again. Be a mentor to your kids, practice what you preach and always remember you are world to your little one.

This one for my little gorgeous DD, whom I love to Moon and back.. <3

Thanks for reading.

:)

Day 4 as a Blogger Mum

Today was a good day. I did my brochure distribution and arranged next week's work. Working from home has it own advantages and disadvantages. The best thing is specially when you are a mum, you can choose the hours you want to work for and the amount of work pressure you can sustain. You are your own boss, specially when working as a self business owner, where you have flexibility and desire to earn as much as you like. Also to know that there is a possibility that we can work and take care of kids at the same time. But on the other hand the disadvantage is that we can't fully focus on working hours, specially in my case where I am lazy bones, when I work I work good and when I don't want to do anything then i am totally a couch potato. So this could be another reason of my excess weight. I must mention that I was on a good diet till today afternoon, No excuse why this happened, oh yes I do have an excuse it was Woolworths, I had a yummy chocolate cake.

But I must say after eating that delicious piece of chocolate cake I felt amazing. It was like it was needed badly. Either a big craving or I can think of it as my cheat day or blame on it on another cold day. Apart from this cheat my whole day was good. Sorted my work related things and completed some appointments and made a few calls, so I think of today as a productive day work wise. I also did some research about jobs today. I am loosing my faith on Seek.com even though in past its been helpful, but lately it just seems like all the jobs advertised on it seem to be only fit for a person who is fully educated but unemployed and the same time with exceptional experience. How can a person with so much skills and education be sitting home and applying for jobs? And if no one will give a job to someone in need then how can someone ever get experience?

Enough with my job related grudge. I guess all mums struggling to get back to work go through this experience. On the street where I live a house owner is demolishing the house to build a new one. While distributing my brochures I couldn't stop noticing how the old house is gone forever and the new construction has started. It made me wonder how one day we all will be gone as well and only a new house (means our kids) will take over and proceed with life. Before becoming a mum all I could think of was about having a car, a fully furnished apartment, trips, etc etc. but after i became a mum all those things became meaningless. I just want best for my little one, it does include few of the things from that list, like a better car and possibly my own house, but the main thing that matters is to give my little one my attention, my time and my love and care. As when they grow what matters is how we have raised our child, not what all we gave them. They won't remember the presents and amount of dollars we spent on them but how much we supported, cared and loved them.

To all the dear mums, be proud of what you all do everyday. You all are doing a great job, putting your little ones needs before your needs and doing your best to give them the love and care that is required, and that is not an easy job. And trust me if a person gives you advise about raising your child, specially a person who is not parent, then listen to their advise but do what you think is best for your child. As you have known your child from childhood and know what's into your child's best interest. Every child is different and special. Love them and care for them. When they will be adults than it wont matter what all they messed up in toddler or kinder age. And trust me you wont even remember it by than. By what i have known from my parents i was the most mischievous kid, and wouldn't sit still. But i turned out to be a normal human being, lol. I am an adult and sit nicely when i am suppose to be and don't jump on couches anymore, thanks to my parents for letting me enjoy the childhood. As we all know childhood don't last forever. One day our little ones will be big and than we will miss these all childhood cute moments. So, have a big cuddle with your little one, tell them how much you love them and last but not least, be easy on yourself. You all doing a great job.

So,
Today's job search result:- Job search continued.
Highlight of the day:- Yummy Chocolate Cake.
Feeling :- Mischievous.
Expecting:- To do something new everyday.
Hope:- To enjoy my little one's childhood.

Thank you for reading it.

Day 1 as a Blogger Mum

Yes, I finally started what I have been thinking of doing since a long time. Yes I started a blog. With no idea who will read it or even who will have time in the busy running life to read about one more single mum struggling and also loving the way life treats us. Today after dropping my little girl at day care I did some home chores and took care of the little home business that I run and then was just sitting in front of the laptop trying to figure out how I can reduce some weight for the summer, which by the way is almost here. So chances are low but still I think of losing weight every single day. I think it's every girl's secret thought.

I also did some work search as I am always looking for a part-time job but with no luck. Websites like seek.com only seem to help those with full time availability. For mums like me there are minimal job offers and even if there are any, they are mostly taken by highly experienced people. So people like me with less availability and comparatively less experience have no chance.

I am looking at the dining table with all the mess on top of it and thinking I should try to keep it clean and also donate some of my daughter's old toys. Or I should say I am making lists in my head of what all I need to do today. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking etc. and the list goes on.

Sitting in my small messy apartment I feel happy with the thought that I am free. I have freedom to do what I like and when I like. I have no pressure of any sort from anyone to do anything. Freedom of being a single mum.  Sometimes I feel I am still not over the emotional damage my ex-marriage did. I have learned how to love myself but still I have no time for anyone in my life other than my daughter. She is my survival and my full support. She calls me her only best friend, I don't even know if she knows the meaning of it but I love when she says it to me and I reply to her saying that she is my best friend too and she gives me a cuddle and makes me feel like a million dollars. I look at her and feel blessed and thank God for giving her to me.

I must say it feels great to write here. Like how we used to have a secret diary and pen in schools. Now a days we are more tech savvy and we use laptops. Still it feels good to write what goes on in my head here.

So,
Today's job search result:-  No job applied.
Highlight of the day:- Wrote my first blog
Feeling :- neither happy nor sad.
Expecting:- to stick to my diet today
Hope:- Someone will read my blog

Thank you for reading it.