Another Year of Survival Being a MUM. 2015

Here we all, its 31st Dec 2015. One more year is gone, just like the blink of an eye. But the truth is nothing much changes for a mother, I am doing what I was doing last day of 2014 evening. My daughter is asleep and I have some my time to sit relax and think that one more year and sadly I have no one to spend this new year with. I must mention I have friends (lots lots friends) and few relatives as well. But usually people have plans of their own and they don't like to ruin it with single mums like me. Its the harsh truth and only mums in my situation can understand what I mean.

 

The only good thing is that I get to sit in my home and be thoughtful about the choices I make next year, specially from the bitter experience of last year. It doesn't always have to be a heartbreak from a lover. It could be unfortunately done by anyone in our life. Specially when someone like me who lives alone with a little one, not many like to hang around with me. As hanging out with me would mean with my child as well, and not everyone accepts that. Even though they say so. Many people have canceled their plans with me because of other better plans. When I think of them I just thank that I am not such person. I have never canceled my plans with my friends with kids even when I was not a mum.

 

The good thing was I did some good things in year 2015

 

- I donated blood and plasma for first time

- I helped others without any expectation

- Got my Citizenship

- Had my photo-shoot done with Avon

- Got my hair highlights done after 6 years

- Experienced my little girl's first ever performance on stage
- Learner truth about selfish people again.
- Start writing my Blog

 

 

Things I actually wanted to do in year 2015

 

- Loose some weight

- Get a good job

- Travel Europe

- Move apartments

- Go on a date

- Watch new year fire works


Overall good things list seems longer than the things I couldn't do. I feel happy and content. The best this is I got a little sunshine with me to make my days even more brighter and sometimes  very very stressful. But that's motherhood. It comes with hard and long days but ends with the most amazing kisses and love. Don't think I don't loose it, I do but that's being a mum.

Thank you for reading my year 2015. Hope you all had a good year 2015. I am happy to have chat about motherhood and any other relating problems.

Being a single mother is hard.  A big HATTS OFF to all single mums out their, not everyone can be a mum. So ENJOY it..

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Tips for Shopping day to be an Easy Day

I remember when shopping days were simple, easy and quick. When going to shopping used to be another way to relax and have a great day out. But ever since I have become a mum it seems like I have lost the track of how I thought shopping was supposed to be relaxing?

Now going to shopping is like going around in circles in one isle. Yes of course when your little one is too independent to sit on a pram or a trolley than there is no way out. Even though we mums love our little ones but the truth is all of us hate doing shopping with them, specially when we are in rush and are on strict time schedule. Here are some of the tricks and tips which has worked for me so far. I must mention they don't work everytime but even if they work 6 out of 10 that is good. Right?

Tips to Make Shopping Day an Easy Day with our little ones:-

1. Don't try to be a Super Mum:- Before you get out of the car and grab that trolley, just give a reminder to yourself that you are not a super mum, lol. I know most of us don't even want to think that we are not super mums. But what I have learned from my parenting of last 4 years, that when we try too hard to become a 10/10 mum than somehow we unintentionally start having high expectation from our little one. And in most cases that's the problem. For example, when your little one start giving a tantrum in the middle of the isle, than instead of getting frustrated (as you want to do everything on time/ being a super mum), try giving a cuddle for a minute or two and you will see how your little one will calm down (In most cases).

2. Let Your Little Helpers Help You:- Yes I know we mums are always in rush and letting the little one help could be one more job. No harm giving it a go, specially when you know that bub is going to run here and there in the shop and you will end up following him/her anyway. So give it a shot, ask them to help you. My little girl don't want to sit in the trolley and want to run around in the grocery shop. After many days like this, one day I asked her to help me doing shopping. Not only she helped me but I didn't even had to run after her from one isle to the other, as she was busy finding things I told her to, and I only gave her things which were present in the same isle as me. It was like a hide and seek with grocery. She enjoyed it and so did I. It might have took 5 extra minutes but it saved my 10 minutes to run after her and I didn't got annoyed. Win Win Situation..

3. One Treat Wont Harm Anyone:- We Mums know what is best for our little one. I do not like the idea of giving treats to kids all the time. But on a day when you know that your little one is in a little cranky mood and you cannot skip shopping, you can offer a little treat. You are the best judge what to offer to your bub, in my case my little girl love yoghurt and crackers. So on a day when she is tired or hungry and I have to go shopping urgently, I first go straight to yoghurt and take few pouches for her and give her one by one. And surprisingly usually she do not like to sit on the pram or trolley, but when she knows she will get to eat something she likes she does. When she is enjoying sipping at the yummy yoghurt I finish the quick shop. Not a bad idea huh??

4. Make Shopping a Treasure :- As a mother we know what our kid like to play the most. But shopping could be a fun thing. Try to make it as a treasure island for your bub. Kids have sharp memory, somehow we might forget things we see due to our running life, but amazingly many incidents have happened with my bub that it makes me amaze that how good kids memories are. Take advantage of that. Tel them certain product and ask them to stop you when we reach there. Give them instructions like we have to be together when we find the treasure (item/product). Might not work with every kid, but with an active kid like mine it always help. NO harm giving it go..

5. Ignore People with Grumpy Faces:- Many times I have seen people giving me bad eyes or should I say bad looks in supermarket. Every time it happens I just tell myself that its ok, this is my life and I choose my child's happiness. As long as my child is not hurting anyone or saying something disrespectful I don't have to worry about those grumpy faces. 50% of such people don't have kids themselves, so they have no idea how it is to be with a bub 24/7, so cant expect them to understand. And 30% are amazingly parents, with either really sophisticated calm kids or grown kids. Then comes those 20% beautiful smiles and eyes that says "I understand". Just pay attention to those loving eyes and give a smile back. Always remember you are the role model to your bub, so be a smiley face. SMILE :-)

6. Tel your Bub that You Love Them:- Last but not the least, tell your bub you love them. Amazingly these 4 letter words are very powerful. We as mums love our bubs to moon and back, and often feel how precious they are when they are asleep, I know I feel that too. But somehow we forget to tell them on their face or just take it for granted that they know it. When everything is going wrong and no trick is working and you just want to scream out loud and drop the bags on the floor  or whatever is getting in your mind. Just hold your bub and tell them you love them so much. This is one of those things which magically works in my case, it not only takes my stress away but also calms my little one down. Try It..

These are not super tricks, but something from my experience. It might work might not. As its hard for us, its also hard for our little ones. Never stress too much about future to ruin today. Enjoy your day out with bub, have a good laugh, enjoy their smile and always remember they will never be this age forever. And when they will grow up we will miss it.

Thanks for reading..

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First Ballet Performance

I have always been a dance and music lover, but never had a chance to do something about it professionally. Back in India its not a big thing and most parents pay attention on kids education more than extra curricular activities. My parents did the same, they gave me great education but never gave me a chance to grow my hobbies, or should I say I was also not serious enough to choose and make decisions in such areas. Just like any parent, once I became mum all my dreams and wishes came upon my little girl. Just like me she also enjoys music and dancing, plus ever since she started walking she was on her toes most of the times. Starting of last year I put her in dance classes to help her grow her hobby as a profession. All I can do from my side is help her and give her different ways to grow, rest would be her decision to make once she gets bigger.

 

I enjoyed going with her to ballet every week. Starting days were hard, as every time when we went to the class instead of dancing she used to jump and run around in the big massive room. But as the time passed, she got into the rhythm of listening to the teacher, I cant say 100% but she got much better. She is a little independent girl, she has her own way and I don't want to push her for anything. The best thing is that she enjoys going to dance class and has a good time there with her friends. As four terms passed, than it was the time for the school's dance concert. I still remember myself giggling with my friends talking about what will my little one do on stage? is she even going to move? or she is going to ran behind the stage?

 

All my fears came to an end when we went for the last rehearsal for the concert, I stayed back stage and she went with her group to practice on the stage. I looked at her performing behind the curtains so that she couldn't see me, as she always used to come out of her 30 minutes class twice to give me kiss and cuddle. Me being a mum who wants her child to learn didn't like her coming out twice but also loved her loving gesture every single time. She performed quite well as compare to what I was expecting and more than that she enjoyed and was happy in whole act.

 

Finally the concert day came, I had invited few family and friends, but unfortunately no one could make it. I was filled with emotions. I dressed her up and before leaving her back stage I gave her a big kiss and told her to just have fun. She was busy with other kids coloring and playing with toys. I went in hall and sat on my seat hoping to see a familiar face next to me, but I didn't knew anyone both sides. But as soon as the performances started I had all my eyes on the big stage and was going though funny feelings inside my heart.

My little one was in the 3rd performance, I only had to wait for 10 minutes to see her dance act. All the kids came to stage holding each others hands with two big girls who were dancing with them to help them remember their steps. I was so happy that I had a big smile on my face, I am sure if a toothpaste company would have seen me that time, they would have surely hired me for their advertisements. In like 10 seconds I couldn't see clearly as my vision got blurry and the reason was I couldn't control my tears. There I was siting among 200-300 people watching little girls dancing on Lollipop song and I was smiling with tears doing a cleansing on my face. I was happy very happy. I couldn't be more proud, she didn't ran anywhere, she did her dancing the way it was suppose to be by a 3 year old. Moreover, she also got a medal at the end.

 

We mothers are so lucky that we get blessed with these little ones who starts walking with holding our finger and than goes out in this big world and makes us proud. Life cant be better.

 

So today when you kiss your little one goodnight, stay with them for a little longer, as soon they will be big and we will miss these little little moments.

 

Thank you for Reading.

 

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Job Hunting for a Single Mother

I always thought when the right time will come than everything will fall in the place and there will be no cliché. In the running, day to day life I kept this window in my heart which allowed me to look outside in a closer and calmer way. I am just like any other normal girl who struggle with day to day things and dreams big at night. Time is a big healer. It allows to forget people or hurtful incidents. Unfortunately it also makes us forget that how someone once loved us or vice versa. I also forgot the bad past and have a hope to fix the future, but this hope is not always helpful. In real life you need connections and its the hurtful truth but it is true that you need money as well. And for money we need a job.

I always thought life could be easy and simple, if we try and give our best. But the truth is it is not, regardless how much you try and keep it simple, it just gets more and more complicated. Like facebook complicated status life also gives us various relation updates, it doesn't have to be with other people, most of the time it is our personal relation with ourself. She came to a new land thinking making her life better and proving her independence to herself and her family. It didn't quite end up the way she thought it would be, life got more and more ups/downs. Here in Australia is also like India, you need links and specially need money to get a job, the only difference is instead of paying to employer directly you pay to the recruitment companies. Even paying them wouldn't bother if they assure a good job 100%. The second most problem is availability, mothers don't have 24 hour 7 days availability, specially the ones raising kid on their own, and employers makes sure to each and every job that they need some one to start early and leave late and work on weekends. I do understand to run a business they need people to work those hours, but shouldn't their be should strategy to help parents like me struggling to get back to work force?

 

Those are few lucky mums who choose to take maternity leave and have easy time to go back to work as compare to mums like us who due to some personal issues have to resign and then it becomes impossible to have a normal job. I do understand for each mum leaving a child behind and going back to work is hard, but its comparatively easy when you actually have a job waiting for you, rather than starting the search and stressing about that if you will get a job call or no. Roughly I apply like 10 jobs every month and some months I donot even get a single call, Ok for a moment I can say that I could have the worst resume but even than I have a Post graduate degree, my English is if not super great than atleast its understandable, plus I have over 8 years of experience in Customer service, does that count nothing?

 

Sometimes I feel its just me getting upset about having a normal work and 9-5 routine. But when I look around I see many mums like me going through this all every single day like me. Still I put everything behind me each day and give my little girl a goodnight kiss. Always be thankful to God about each day, because even though it was not as you would want it to be, but still you had one more day to live and cherish with your loved one. All you need is hope, and you will find many things to be thankful of.

 

Result:- No job for me. lol.. I have started to feel I am in black list of companies as no one even call me. That ends my dull yet hilarious day.

 

Have a wonderful weekend readers.

 

Thank you.

:)

First Month Anniversary as a blogger

Dear all reading my blog from the beginning, I want to thank you for reading my blog. When exactly one month ago I started writing I had absolutely no idea what to write and more than that I was more worried about if anyone is ever going to read it. But, I must appreciate all my beautiful readers and  wonderful feedback as comments/messages.  I wrote a bit about my life as a mum and about my life experience.

Overall in my life, which I have spend more than half in India and about a decade here, I have met many beautiful people and vice versa. When I look back I see many paths which I have passed in order to be where I am today. Some dreams that came true and some left my heart broken. Even though I haven't actually fully accomplished what I want to achieve in my life yet, but there is a long way to go and I have my support/confidence that is my little one. When I look at her it gives me hope and strength to move forward and make everything happen for her. I think that's every mum's thing.

Weather has changed here in Melbourne, summer is here with lots of sunscreen and tanning going on. Being blessed with darker skin I don't need to worry about tanning. Other than weather, the feedback of being a blogger for one month is that I am Loving it. My apartment is still messy, many times I have given myself a thought about not to worrying so much about apartment being messy as it cant be clean and tidy till my little one grows up, which is like another 10 years or so. Fortunately, kitchen is clean as I have been cleaning all the dishes and mess every meal time. So, I don't need to worry about kitchen yayy. You all must be surprised but laundry is also done. so that is another yayy. Bedroom is also in decent way so no need to stress about it.

I am sitting here on my study writing my blog with a cup of tea, I must say feels awesome. I am no big writer or philosopher here, but I like to take my thoughts out here and share with those who would like to read about it. Its much better than taking my heart out in front of those who don't care to listen to it. Work is also doing good if I talk about my part-time business. I am looking for more people to join with me but its a step by step job. So doing my part everyday, hopefully slowly-slowly everything will fall in track. The thing I like most about working with Avon is that it gives me freedom to work out my business and my other commitments being a mum.

Feedback as a 1 month blogger:-

Today's job search result:- No Job search.
Highlight of the day:- 1 month as a blogger
Feeling :- Happy and thankful to my readers.
Expecting:- Positive Comments.
Hope:- Write more often.

Thank you for reading it.

Broken Marriage

If we talk about a romantic movie or a television series, than marriage seems an easy way out of all the problems, where both partner help each other through tough times and still are able to love and care for each other. But for me marriage was being in a trap where I was always being judged and mistreated. I must say it was my fault that I let it happened for so long with me and never told my parents about what was going on behind the walls. My marriage lasted for 1 year, thankfully I was able to get myself free from the trap and fly again in the shining sky, but when I read news about other women going through the same thing, I feel the pain and wish I could help someone in someway.

It was a normal day here in Melbourne, when as usual my parents started talking about how it is important at my age to find a right partner and settle down. In India, the right time to get married is when the girl become above 25 of age. I luckily belong to a family where the age is 25 for girls, unfortunately in some families if girl is above 18 they are ready for marriage. My parents never forced me into anything, so even though I was not entirely sure to get married I did said yes to meet and talk to few guys they had chosen for me, and they were already in Australia so it was easy to meet up as well.

First time when I called, he seemed a-bit arrogant but within 1-2 minutes talk his voice changed and was talking to me very nicely and softly. So I though may be he was also nervous like me as it was an arrange thing by parents. As the time passed we talked more on phone and about our likes/dislikes, everything seemed normal. He was a normal looking guy, but I wasn't looking for Tom Cruise either, so if everything was not excellent than it wasn't less from being good. We had few meetings and he seemed like a romantic guy, he used to drive all the way from Sydney to Melbourne to see me. One thing I missed was that he always used to answer the phone away from me, and whenever he was on phone he always had this angry face. But as-if I couldn't hear anything so I didn't judged him, which I should have as he had a very bad temper.

Things were going smooth and I didn't actually find any reason to say no to him, so I said yes to my parents. It wasn't long after that yes that he started showing his true colors. First thing he did was he bought a new phone for me with a new number on his name, which I though was very sweet as he wanted to give me something as a present. It was a plan to trap me, so that he can keep an eye on whom I call and text. I didn't came to know all about this after marriage when we started fighting about silly things. Anyway, coming back to the part where we flew to India to get married. All was fine other than that from 2-3 days we didn't talked as he said he was out partying with his friends before marriage and I didn't mind as I was a party lover myself.

Marriage went smooth and as our tradition after marriage I went to his house. After two days he had a huge fight with his own mom. I still don't know the reason of the fight but he spoke to his mum very rudely, that was one more clue for me but I didn't understood it that time. In my experience I have seen that a guy who mistreats his own mum can never respect his own wife or partner. After being in India for few days we came back. I came back to Melbourne and he went to Sydney as he was from Sydney. I was waiting to get my transfer done so that I can also move to Sydney. And when I finally did moved, it is when the nightmare started. As-if he was waiting for me to be in his full control and than only he showed his real face.

He used to fight for each and every little thing. I sometimes felt as if I am the worst person on the earth. All I did for one year was to please him and make him happy, but I was wrong. that's not how marriage works. Marriage is both ways, in my case only one understood the meaning and other one was just busy controlling. I being an Indian, always learned that a girl has to do everything to make his life with his husband well. I tried was I was taught and learned so far from my childhood. But some men can not be satisfied with anything. And he also had a long time girl friend, when I came to know about it than it was just a dead relation. I was expecting by then, it was the last chance I gave him to be sensible and run his own family. He never did what it takes a man to run a family.

Shortly after my little one was born, I left him. I left that Jail,
- where I was questioned 100 times a day
- where he used to keep an eye on my calling list and fight with me if I forget to tell him that I called someone
- where I wasn't allowed to talk to my family and friends
- where I wasn't allowed to leave home without him
- where I wasn't allowed to eat without him
- where I was always judged
- where I was always compared to others
- where I was never being loved
- where I forgot how to smile
- where I wasn't able to look at my own face in the mirror, as I use to feel pity on myself.

Now when I look back I think why I gave him that 1 year of my life which I will never get back. But then I see my gorgeous little one and I smile, as she is what I got from that one horrible broken marriage. In last 3 years, she has helped me to be myself and love life and get back to myself.
She is the reason I am happy and content. Now when I see mirror I don't see a girl who is trapped or feels sorry for her life, I see a Mother who loves her little one. My little on is my savior.

I do have a Broken Marriage, but I have a wonderful future ahead with my little one. I have hope and faith on myself. I have LOVE..

Based on my true life experience.
Thanks for reading. :)

What is Respect???

Ever since our childhood, we have always been taught by our parents to respect others. But as the time passes and we go from childhood to adulthood, some of us tend to forget the real meaning of Respect. Respect doesn't mean taking crap from the other person and still not talking back. It means to give respect to the other person and his/her reactions as well as respecting yourself, means to have self-respect and realizing when you have had enough with the person giving you headache. It could be a friend, relative or a partner, we have to set limits for our-selves and stick to that. This way we not only gain self-respect but we also respect the other person by letting them go, because if they are being dis-respectful to you, then clearly you been having fights/ arguments with the person on a routine basis, ending up with a damaged relationship.

Let's look into this a bit deeper. When we are toddlers then we always have our parents to protect us from kids or persons, whom they think can harm or hurt us in someway. That is the way how parents show love and care by looking after what we do and with whom we interact. And even till teenage and adulthood, they always give their feedback about our friends or the group we go out or spend time with. Being a child we always disagree with them, sometimes due to generation gap and sometimes just because we cannot see their point of view. The way parents see things is quiet different from ours, as they have seen world and experienced more ups and downs than us, and being a parent their reaction is always to warn us about what could possibly go wrong. It's normal for a child to not listen to the parents. But that's one way how parents show their respect to us, by showing us the right way but still not being pushy. The way we can show respect to our parents is by listening to them, and even if we don't 100% agree to what they say, still giving a thought to what they tried to explain to us. It will help you open up your mind to more possibilities.

Another way we gain and give respect is being good friends with each other and always offering a helping hand. I must warn you, just like any other relation, you will see many people in friendship will often respect you when they need something, or when they want things to happen in certain way that is promising to them. But, not all fingers are the  same, so you should be good to others and show respect and care. Worry about who is good to you. If someone is consistently being mean to you, and I must add that if they swear on you in someway, then, give them a few chances to save your friendship. But in my general experience, the person who will swear or abuse you in any way once will continue to do that as no-one can change their inherent nature.

Yes we can change our perspective about few people depending upon the situations. For example, if someone is going through a hard time then it's easy for others to judge them, as they don't know how it's like to be in the other one's shoe. But once the hard time is over, many a times, you can see this wonderful person behind the walls whom you can absolutely enjoy being friends with. On the other hand for people who are always in some rage or anger or abusive or swearing, you can't expect much from them, as they have no control on themselves. And they can spit it out anywhere and in front of anyone. By giving them more and more chances you are just losing your own self-respect. Specially for mums, as this kind of behavior could be bad for a child who is still growing and leaning. My advise is, stay away from such people, as its not worth it for one good moment you want to spoil another moment.

Respect is always both ways. You can easily gain it by giving, but on the other hand, you can easily lose it by being dis-respectful to the other person. Life it too short to hate, learn how to love others and first of all Love and respect yourself.

Based on my life experience, Thank you.