First Month Anniversary as a blogger

Dear all reading my blog from the beginning, I want to thank you for reading my blog. When exactly one month ago I started writing I had absolutely no idea what to write and more than that I was more worried about if anyone is ever going to read it. But, I must appreciate all my beautiful readers and  wonderful feedback as comments/messages.  I wrote a bit about my life as a mum and about my life experience.

Overall in my life, which I have spend more than half in India and about a decade here, I have met many beautiful people and vice versa. When I look back I see many paths which I have passed in order to be where I am today. Some dreams that came true and some left my heart broken. Even though I haven't actually fully accomplished what I want to achieve in my life yet, but there is a long way to go and I have my support/confidence that is my little one. When I look at her it gives me hope and strength to move forward and make everything happen for her. I think that's every mum's thing.

Weather has changed here in Melbourne, summer is here with lots of sunscreen and tanning going on. Being blessed with darker skin I don't need to worry about tanning. Other than weather, the feedback of being a blogger for one month is that I am Loving it. My apartment is still messy, many times I have given myself a thought about not to worrying so much about apartment being messy as it cant be clean and tidy till my little one grows up, which is like another 10 years or so. Fortunately, kitchen is clean as I have been cleaning all the dishes and mess every meal time. So, I don't need to worry about kitchen yayy. You all must be surprised but laundry is also done. so that is another yayy. Bedroom is also in decent way so no need to stress about it.

I am sitting here on my study writing my blog with a cup of tea, I must say feels awesome. I am no big writer or philosopher here, but I like to take my thoughts out here and share with those who would like to read about it. Its much better than taking my heart out in front of those who don't care to listen to it. Work is also doing good if I talk about my part-time business. I am looking for more people to join with me but its a step by step job. So doing my part everyday, hopefully slowly-slowly everything will fall in track. The thing I like most about working with Avon is that it gives me freedom to work out my business and my other commitments being a mum.

Feedback as a 1 month blogger:-

Today's job search result:- No Job search.
Highlight of the day:- 1 month as a blogger
Feeling :- Happy and thankful to my readers.
Expecting:- Positive Comments.
Hope:- Write more often.

Thank you for reading it.

Broken Marriage

If we talk about a romantic movie or a television series, than marriage seems an easy way out of all the problems, where both partner help each other through tough times and still are able to love and care for each other. But for me marriage was being in a trap where I was always being judged and mistreated. I must say it was my fault that I let it happened for so long with me and never told my parents about what was going on behind the walls. My marriage lasted for 1 year, thankfully I was able to get myself free from the trap and fly again in the shining sky, but when I read news about other women going through the same thing, I feel the pain and wish I could help someone in someway.

It was a normal day here in Melbourne, when as usual my parents started talking about how it is important at my age to find a right partner and settle down. In India, the right time to get married is when the girl become above 25 of age. I luckily belong to a family where the age is 25 for girls, unfortunately in some families if girl is above 18 they are ready for marriage. My parents never forced me into anything, so even though I was not entirely sure to get married I did said yes to meet and talk to few guys they had chosen for me, and they were already in Australia so it was easy to meet up as well.

First time when I called, he seemed a-bit arrogant but within 1-2 minutes talk his voice changed and was talking to me very nicely and softly. So I though may be he was also nervous like me as it was an arrange thing by parents. As the time passed we talked more on phone and about our likes/dislikes, everything seemed normal. He was a normal looking guy, but I wasn't looking for Tom Cruise either, so if everything was not excellent than it wasn't less from being good. We had few meetings and he seemed like a romantic guy, he used to drive all the way from Sydney to Melbourne to see me. One thing I missed was that he always used to answer the phone away from me, and whenever he was on phone he always had this angry face. But as-if I couldn't hear anything so I didn't judged him, which I should have as he had a very bad temper.

Things were going smooth and I didn't actually find any reason to say no to him, so I said yes to my parents. It wasn't long after that yes that he started showing his true colors. First thing he did was he bought a new phone for me with a new number on his name, which I though was very sweet as he wanted to give me something as a present. It was a plan to trap me, so that he can keep an eye on whom I call and text. I didn't came to know all about this after marriage when we started fighting about silly things. Anyway, coming back to the part where we flew to India to get married. All was fine other than that from 2-3 days we didn't talked as he said he was out partying with his friends before marriage and I didn't mind as I was a party lover myself.

Marriage went smooth and as our tradition after marriage I went to his house. After two days he had a huge fight with his own mom. I still don't know the reason of the fight but he spoke to his mum very rudely, that was one more clue for me but I didn't understood it that time. In my experience I have seen that a guy who mistreats his own mum can never respect his own wife or partner. After being in India for few days we came back. I came back to Melbourne and he went to Sydney as he was from Sydney. I was waiting to get my transfer done so that I can also move to Sydney. And when I finally did moved, it is when the nightmare started. As-if he was waiting for me to be in his full control and than only he showed his real face.

He used to fight for each and every little thing. I sometimes felt as if I am the worst person on the earth. All I did for one year was to please him and make him happy, but I was wrong. that's not how marriage works. Marriage is both ways, in my case only one understood the meaning and other one was just busy controlling. I being an Indian, always learned that a girl has to do everything to make his life with his husband well. I tried was I was taught and learned so far from my childhood. But some men can not be satisfied with anything. And he also had a long time girl friend, when I came to know about it than it was just a dead relation. I was expecting by then, it was the last chance I gave him to be sensible and run his own family. He never did what it takes a man to run a family.

Shortly after my little one was born, I left him. I left that Jail,
- where I was questioned 100 times a day
- where he used to keep an eye on my calling list and fight with me if I forget to tell him that I called someone
- where I wasn't allowed to talk to my family and friends
- where I wasn't allowed to leave home without him
- where I wasn't allowed to eat without him
- where I was always judged
- where I was always compared to others
- where I was never being loved
- where I forgot how to smile
- where I wasn't able to look at my own face in the mirror, as I use to feel pity on myself.

Now when I look back I think why I gave him that 1 year of my life which I will never get back. But then I see my gorgeous little one and I smile, as she is what I got from that one horrible broken marriage. In last 3 years, she has helped me to be myself and love life and get back to myself.
She is the reason I am happy and content. Now when I see mirror I don't see a girl who is trapped or feels sorry for her life, I see a Mother who loves her little one. My little on is my savior.

I do have a Broken Marriage, but I have a wonderful future ahead with my little one. I have hope and faith on myself. I have LOVE..

Based on my true life experience.
Thanks for reading. :)

Friendship

I couldn't stop thinking about those people or should i call them friends, who are no longer in my life. The reason behind me talking about this topic is that one of my friend was complaining about her friend who doesn’t treat her right. First of all, my dear readers, if someone is not treating you right then just take a break with them there itself. It will allow you to give some time to yourself to figure out what's happening to your friendship. And, it will allow sometime for your friend to figure out if they have been mistreating you in someway and if they still want to be friends with you then they will work on it.

Friendship, as we all know is one of the most wonderful relations we have in our life. Starting from being toddlers to old age, we have friends to help us go through all ups and downs in life. If we are lucky, we will have that one friend throughout our childhood to old age. Childhood friends are like siblings, you can expect them to help you in each way and still have a big argument without worrying about losing the friend. Then come those friends which we make out of choice, like in our teenage, we meet many different types of people. We make some friends due to similarities, and with some we just end up becoming friends without any reason. All friendships are great, as they provide warmth, love, care and security.

I have many friends, but i must say i have only a few who are very close to my heart. There was a time in my life when i had heaps of friends, or i thought they were my friends. But, life's reality made me understand the difference between a friend or colleague or acquaintance. First reality check was when i moved interstate and left my job, it was like 8 out of 10 people were out of my life as they no longer required me, or should i say in a better way, that they no longer required my service at work. I must accept i didn't realize it straightaway, as i was still trying to be in touch and update everyone. But within a few months  I understood those were not my friends, those were just my colleagues who were pretending to be friends as that allows them to ask me for favors. I must admit  I felt sad, but better late than never, so I let them go.

Acquaintance could mean different things to different people according to their understanding, according to me it means those people who are known to you and are good to hangout with but once in a while. I myself became a victim of it, as i was being acquaintance to someone. One of the girls whom I knew would see me once in awhile, mostly when she would have no one to go to or talk to I guess, but will not be available when I want to do something or catch-up. It took me some time to understand that she had me in her "once in a while" call list. I didn't end friendship with her but instead put her in my "once in a while" list. And once I understood the clear meaning of these type of people now i must say I have heaps in "once in a while" list.

I must mention in my life I have also had some friends who were very nice and good friends, but after few years things changed, and instead of friendship there was anger. Till date I can't understand how it all changed but when I look back I try to only think of good moments. I remember when things changed in between us. In my effort to save our friendship I tried alot to fix things and even apologized to her so that we can over come the bad time. But it just wasn't enough for her. Its been few years to this incident, still when I think of her i still cant understand what went wrong there, as there wasn't any big reason or argument but after few attempts I stopped. I just couldn't push myself to do any more for her, not because i didn't wanted to, but because it just wasn't worth it. Friendship also requires forgiveness.

Always cherish your friendship, remember, if they are not treating you the right way, then let them go. Trust your friends but also have self respect. If they love you and want to continue the friendship then they will take the effort as well. In a friendship if you think you are always explaining yourself then it's better to finish it, as it means you two have no understanding. Friends, without whom i cannot imagine my life. We all need friends, they make us laugh and cry at the same time, sometimes due to a terrible joke or sometimes by just being a friend. Thanks to all the wonderful people who were always around me and helped me in life and made me smile. More than that, thanks to those who left me, and made me cry, since if it wasn't up-to these people I would have never have understood the real meaning of friendship and who my true friends are.


Enjoy reading, would love your comments. Thank you. :)

Day 3 as a Blogger Mum

Last night I started to think about all the bucket list which i made couple of years ago. That list was suppose to have 100 things in it to do before i die, but somehow i only end up writing 56, I have done few of them but still along way to go. I put the chart up behind the door just to remind myself to at least try to do something new everyday. Even if i don't fully succeed at least i should try my best. Reading that list did give me a better hope and expectation from myself, which this morning was still with me. I am all up and got the new thing to do today. Remembering my own childhood rain memory with my mum and my siblings. I am all set to make a memory for my DD. A little rain not too much as don't want to get her sick as well.

That's another motherhood day to day worry, to at least try not to get our little one sick. We are up and its still dark outside. Weather forecast shows it will be a raining and cold day here in Melbourne. Everyone knows in Melbourne you can see all different seasons in one day. So be prepared. My little one is watching Inside Out. I love this movie, even when it is for kids still it helped me as well to understand emotions which we as adults tend to ignore sometimes as we think we are adult enough to cope with everything. I wish it was, the easy day for me is when its just me and my little one. This is the stage of life in parenthood when only friends who are parent can understand you better. I have lost many friends just because of my commitment as a mother and we having different preferences of enjoyment. We mothers choose places which are kid friendly and according to the timing of the day. Depending upon if our little one has had an afternoon nap or no. Because trust me only mums can understand what it is to be with a cranky kid who missed afternoon nap or is just too tired to sit nicely in a cafe.

All parents know and learn by there own experience. My little one is an active kid always eager to learn, so i don't know how it is to be with a kid who is bit calmer and sits on one place, as mine like to jump around and always doing gymnastics in my lounge. But when i look around kids sitting with the ipads and not even saying Hi to the person next, than i fall in love with my little one a bit more. She keeps me occupied and the sweetest thing is that she will always greet the person next to us in a lift or shopping. In the last few years i have changed from being over friendly to control myself to the place where i interact but depending upon the person. luckily i am in Melbourne where people are friendly and mostly you will get a smile back for a smile. But there is always two faces of a picture.

Funny thing is when i did the InsideOut character test for me i was given the character of BingBong. There are few people like me around. i don't know if that is truth, but i was happy as i liked that character in movie. And i am happy that my little one finally moved from Frozen to InsideOut. Means i can do a new theme party for her next birthday.

I read a very interesting article talking about how for few people it is shame to be divorced. I am so glad to be a part of the family where everyone accepted my decision and been so supportive. I did lost few relatives and friends with my divorce as they had a mentality about woman only being puppet of man. I must say they never said anything on my face but when someone goes through my situation these kind of people show their true color. And trust me that was best thing for me as i no longer have such fake people in my life anymore. Always think when someone you leave or are gone, it's for your good. 

So,
Today's job search result:-  No Job applied.
Highlight of the day:- My bucket list
Feeling :- Great
Expecting:- To do something new everyday.
Hope:- To write a blog everyday.

Thank you for reading it.

Day 2 as a Blogger Mum

We mums do not need an alarm clock, specially those mums with little ones who wake up early. The long term benefit of this is that we wont have to struggle to wake up kids for school later in life. But from what i have got from other mums is that kids go the other way around when school starts. So basically, this is just beginning of our motherhood love arguments.

Its raining here in Melbourne, today i hope will be a bit more productive than yesterday. Time to do some more time investment for my part-time business that i do from home. More than money i enjoy getting social with my customer and feeling of being independent and also offering others to enjoy this independence. I like rain, it reminds me of my home country India and my childhood. I along with my brother and sister used to dance around in rain in my backyard and my mum telling us to stop making a mess around with our dirty feet. Thinking about back home and my family make me smile and enjoy this rain a bit more. Been in this beautiful country Australia from so long that even when i visit my parents within few days i miss my own home, which is here.

Today's to do list is a bit better and smaller from yesterday as i managed to do my laundry and cleaning yesterday, so today will be just normal day to day chores. And of course spending some great time with my DD, watching some more Peppa Pig and than playing pretending Peppa Pig game with her where she is Peppa and i am mummy Pig. Motherhood is amazing, never knew i could love someone more than myself and be able to take care of a tiny human being. She is my precious jewel.

I got a great tip yesterday to update my resume before applying for any job. But HOW...
This will need a good research and time, as all these years i have used only one basic resume. Secretly i wish to win a lottery, not too big may be just enough to buy a house as if i deduct the rent amount than i can survive really good with one job. But in order to win a lottery i will have to invest in buying a lotto, and my past experience has not been good so i am not quite convinced that my lottery plan will work here. So lottery plan is a back up plan with a very low chance.

Luckily i stick on my diet yesterday, but did indulged myself in yummy food cooked by a friend, yummy Cauliflower Manchurian. Sometimes i feel its very hard for those people to loose weight those who can cook well. As they will have to eventually cook something either for themselves or for house members. And while cooking its very hard to not crave for the food specially when you are going to try it for taste.

And worst is when you are mum/storage.

Mum/Storage means that anything left over from kids or in plate or one last bite goes to mums tummy as a storage, all mums can relate to this as i blame it for my extra weight. Or i should say i eat to comfort myself or just when i am bored? Today i am going to cleanup my pantry for any extra things which i dont eat anymore + food that i should be avoiding and can distract me in my weight loss journey which has just started few days ago.

My DD is at this age now where she understands that in a family there is a mum + dad and a baby. I have told her that i am her mummy and daddy, she don't quite believe me but she does trust my words and always gives me a smile when i say this to her. If i would have had a broken marriage and no kid, than i would have had a bad memory of that marriage. But thanks to my daughter that now when i look back i don't see it as a complete failure. I cant imagine my life without her and she wouldn't have been in my life if i wouldn't have got married. This whole idea does makes me believe in 'Whatever Happens Happens for a Reason'. Good things will finally come your way. Keeping this great thought with me, i wish today goes well.

Just want to say, that today might be a really bad day for few of us but just go through it as a chapter of life and close it so that we can open a new one, and if there is no new chapter than don't be too afraid to write one, there is always extra sheets provided in examination halls, and this life is our examination hall.


So,
Today's job search result:-  Time to make some changes in resume.
Highlight of the day:- Wrote my Second blog
Feeling :- Happy.
Expecting:- to see Sun.
Hope:- Good things will finally come our way.

Thank you for reading it.