My Independence Day aka The day i left an Abusive Relation

Today 4 years ago I left the most disturbing and controlling relation, I could never forget today's date and celebrate it as my Independence Day. I am free and happy now but that wasn't the case 4 years ago. I thought I would be stuck with him forever but luckily I flew away and that was the best decision I ever made. Now when I look at my little one I feel more proud of myself for leaving that abusive relationship. If my daughter would have been witnessed all the drama going on in my life due to a bad partner, she would have thought it is normal for a guy to treat a woman like this. But that's not the case now, and I am happy about that. I am single and a mother to a fabulous girl and my life couldn't be better. I am happy in my little family and that's the way it should be.

 

I remember when I was in that relation I use to avoid looking at myself in mirror, it used to make me more sad and depressed about my life with him. It was like walking on egg shells, anything could happen anytime, he could loose it anytime and start screaming and blaming me. Been with him was the biggest mistake of my life but I got something amazing out of it that is my daughter. Before the marriage he was a nice normal guy or may be I missed the signs that he was insane. Once we were married I saw change in his behavior towards all the women in his life which includes me, his mother and sisters. But as it was all very new to me and him, I decided to give it all abit more time and wait for everything to settle down, but what I have learned is that they never change. Can I change my behavior? NO. So how did I even think he can be something better? I know it was that girl inside me who wanted my marriage to work out and was giving him more and more chances to fix the things.

 

Unfortunately we are surrounded by people who judge us by status Single - Married - Divorced. A majority of people think that girls like me who fall in Divorced category are ready to go out with anyone and are the one to be blamed for the whole relationship fall down. I don't even have to go far to friends, in my own family I got many people who gave me that look when I left him. I must say it did broke my heart but it didn't made me change my mind, it just made me look more clearer that those people who are not happy with my decision are actually the one with this cheap mentality that a women is below men, and that's not how I have been raised. My father is a very loving and caring father and husband, it doesn't mean they never had fights or there were never problems, but they went through all the problems together and still there for each other. It gives me great satisfaction that I had a great picture in my heart about the perfect man and that made me move on from that relation.

 

Today I want to thank all the lovely people who cared about me and stood beside me through that hard time, they are a hand few and better than having heaps of Frenemies. One angel like cousin and his wife, couple of friends + my loving family stood beside me when I took the decision. That's all what it takes few close friends/relatives to make you feel more confident and think clearer. Thank you to all those who supported me and I can never express the love and respect I have for you in my heart. Plus even more thankful to those who didn't care and were gossiping about me being a bad wife, as you all give me that push to go on and do more and prove you wrong. Now I am here happy and content. I want to share my story so any women out there suffering what I suffered before can read it and if its even 1% helpful to them I will be very happy.

 

Ps feel free to share your story or any support you need. xx

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Keep Smiling :)

Day 4 as a Blogger Mum

Today was a good day. I did my brochure distribution and arranged next week's work. Working from home has it own advantages and disadvantages. The best thing is specially when you are a mum, you can choose the hours you want to work for and the amount of work pressure you can sustain. You are your own boss, specially when working as a self business owner, where you have flexibility and desire to earn as much as you like. Also to know that there is a possibility that we can work and take care of kids at the same time. But on the other hand the disadvantage is that we can't fully focus on working hours, specially in my case where I am lazy bones, when I work I work good and when I don't want to do anything then i am totally a couch potato. So this could be another reason of my excess weight. I must mention that I was on a good diet till today afternoon, No excuse why this happened, oh yes I do have an excuse it was Woolworths, I had a yummy chocolate cake.

But I must say after eating that delicious piece of chocolate cake I felt amazing. It was like it was needed badly. Either a big craving or I can think of it as my cheat day or blame on it on another cold day. Apart from this cheat my whole day was good. Sorted my work related things and completed some appointments and made a few calls, so I think of today as a productive day work wise. I also did some research about jobs today. I am loosing my faith on Seek.com even though in past its been helpful, but lately it just seems like all the jobs advertised on it seem to be only fit for a person who is fully educated but unemployed and the same time with exceptional experience. How can a person with so much skills and education be sitting home and applying for jobs? And if no one will give a job to someone in need then how can someone ever get experience?

Enough with my job related grudge. I guess all mums struggling to get back to work go through this experience. On the street where I live a house owner is demolishing the house to build a new one. While distributing my brochures I couldn't stop noticing how the old house is gone forever and the new construction has started. It made me wonder how one day we all will be gone as well and only a new house (means our kids) will take over and proceed with life. Before becoming a mum all I could think of was about having a car, a fully furnished apartment, trips, etc etc. but after i became a mum all those things became meaningless. I just want best for my little one, it does include few of the things from that list, like a better car and possibly my own house, but the main thing that matters is to give my little one my attention, my time and my love and care. As when they grow what matters is how we have raised our child, not what all we gave them. They won't remember the presents and amount of dollars we spent on them but how much we supported, cared and loved them.

To all the dear mums, be proud of what you all do everyday. You all are doing a great job, putting your little ones needs before your needs and doing your best to give them the love and care that is required, and that is not an easy job. And trust me if a person gives you advise about raising your child, specially a person who is not parent, then listen to their advise but do what you think is best for your child. As you have known your child from childhood and know what's into your child's best interest. Every child is different and special. Love them and care for them. When they will be adults than it wont matter what all they messed up in toddler or kinder age. And trust me you wont even remember it by than. By what i have known from my parents i was the most mischievous kid, and wouldn't sit still. But i turned out to be a normal human being, lol. I am an adult and sit nicely when i am suppose to be and don't jump on couches anymore, thanks to my parents for letting me enjoy the childhood. As we all know childhood don't last forever. One day our little ones will be big and than we will miss these all childhood cute moments. So, have a big cuddle with your little one, tell them how much you love them and last but not least, be easy on yourself. You all doing a great job.

So,
Today's job search result:- Job search continued.
Highlight of the day:- Yummy Chocolate Cake.
Feeling :- Mischievous.
Expecting:- To do something new everyday.
Hope:- To enjoy my little one's childhood.

Thank you for reading it.

Day 1 as a Blogger Mum

Yes, I finally started what I have been thinking of doing since a long time. Yes I started a blog. With no idea who will read it or even who will have time in the busy running life to read about one more single mum struggling and also loving the way life treats us. Today after dropping my little girl at day care I did some home chores and took care of the little home business that I run and then was just sitting in front of the laptop trying to figure out how I can reduce some weight for the summer, which by the way is almost here. So chances are low but still I think of losing weight every single day. I think it's every girl's secret thought.

I also did some work search as I am always looking for a part-time job but with no luck. Websites like seek.com only seem to help those with full time availability. For mums like me there are minimal job offers and even if there are any, they are mostly taken by highly experienced people. So people like me with less availability and comparatively less experience have no chance.

I am looking at the dining table with all the mess on top of it and thinking I should try to keep it clean and also donate some of my daughter's old toys. Or I should say I am making lists in my head of what all I need to do today. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking etc. and the list goes on.

Sitting in my small messy apartment I feel happy with the thought that I am free. I have freedom to do what I like and when I like. I have no pressure of any sort from anyone to do anything. Freedom of being a single mum.  Sometimes I feel I am still not over the emotional damage my ex-marriage did. I have learned how to love myself but still I have no time for anyone in my life other than my daughter. She is my survival and my full support. She calls me her only best friend, I don't even know if she knows the meaning of it but I love when she says it to me and I reply to her saying that she is my best friend too and she gives me a cuddle and makes me feel like a million dollars. I look at her and feel blessed and thank God for giving her to me.

I must say it feels great to write here. Like how we used to have a secret diary and pen in schools. Now a days we are more tech savvy and we use laptops. Still it feels good to write what goes on in my head here.

So,
Today's job search result:-  No job applied.
Highlight of the day:- Wrote my first blog
Feeling :- neither happy nor sad.
Expecting:- to stick to my diet today
Hope:- Someone will read my blog

Thank you for reading it.