My Independence Day aka The day i left an Abusive Relation

Today 4 years ago I left the most disturbing and controlling relation, I could never forget today's date and celebrate it as my Independence Day. I am free and happy now but that wasn't the case 4 years ago. I thought I would be stuck with him forever but luckily I flew away and that was the best decision I ever made. Now when I look at my little one I feel more proud of myself for leaving that abusive relationship. If my daughter would have been witnessed all the drama going on in my life due to a bad partner, she would have thought it is normal for a guy to treat a woman like this. But that's not the case now, and I am happy about that. I am single and a mother to a fabulous girl and my life couldn't be better. I am happy in my little family and that's the way it should be.

 

I remember when I was in that relation I use to avoid looking at myself in mirror, it used to make me more sad and depressed about my life with him. It was like walking on egg shells, anything could happen anytime, he could loose it anytime and start screaming and blaming me. Been with him was the biggest mistake of my life but I got something amazing out of it that is my daughter. Before the marriage he was a nice normal guy or may be I missed the signs that he was insane. Once we were married I saw change in his behavior towards all the women in his life which includes me, his mother and sisters. But as it was all very new to me and him, I decided to give it all abit more time and wait for everything to settle down, but what I have learned is that they never change. Can I change my behavior? NO. So how did I even think he can be something better? I know it was that girl inside me who wanted my marriage to work out and was giving him more and more chances to fix the things.

 

Unfortunately we are surrounded by people who judge us by status Single - Married - Divorced. A majority of people think that girls like me who fall in Divorced category are ready to go out with anyone and are the one to be blamed for the whole relationship fall down. I don't even have to go far to friends, in my own family I got many people who gave me that look when I left him. I must say it did broke my heart but it didn't made me change my mind, it just made me look more clearer that those people who are not happy with my decision are actually the one with this cheap mentality that a women is below men, and that's not how I have been raised. My father is a very loving and caring father and husband, it doesn't mean they never had fights or there were never problems, but they went through all the problems together and still there for each other. It gives me great satisfaction that I had a great picture in my heart about the perfect man and that made me move on from that relation.

 

Today I want to thank all the lovely people who cared about me and stood beside me through that hard time, they are a hand few and better than having heaps of Frenemies. One angel like cousin and his wife, couple of friends + my loving family stood beside me when I took the decision. That's all what it takes few close friends/relatives to make you feel more confident and think clearer. Thank you to all those who supported me and I can never express the love and respect I have for you in my heart. Plus even more thankful to those who didn't care and were gossiping about me being a bad wife, as you all give me that push to go on and do more and prove you wrong. Now I am here happy and content. I want to share my story so any women out there suffering what I suffered before can read it and if its even 1% helpful to them I will be very happy.

 

Ps feel free to share your story or any support you need. xx

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Keep Smiling :)

Violence against Women, Still a Long way to go...

We entered 2016 two months ago, its a high technology time where time is money and technology help us save our time. Even though in this high tech time we lack in some social issues, specially with women. We have accomplished solutions to many social problems but still one aspect that needs more awareness is Abuse against Women. I have been a Domestic Violence victim before, so know how it feels like to be in trap and scared. Luckily I escaped and now I am away from all the traps and that suffocation relation. But last week something happened which made me realize that even though we have raised a lot of awareness about DV, but still abuse is something that can happen to any women anywhere, anytime. It can happen even at a very crowded place like it happened to me with a total stranger and only I stood for myself and my daughter, not even a single person came and helped. I know what you must be thinking, that's what I think as well when I see all those videos done by people showing how one person is pretending to be abused and public comes and help.

Trust me that happened to me and not even a single person from public came to help and tell the rude person off who was verbally abusing me because I am a woman. Yes that was a Sexism abuse, and what made that guy more mad was that I told him to stop it. Let me take you through the whole incident.

 

Date:- 26/2/2016

Time:- 11 am (approximately)

Place:- GESAC

We were having some water play in the play area in Gesac, all of the sudden this Asian guy came and screamed at my daughter in a very rude and high voice because apparently some water got splashed at his son, which was not even intentional and I must mention his Son was fine, happy and enjoying. As my daughter was only a second away from me I quickly went to her and told that guy to not to talk to my daughter like that. His reply was straight away that what do I know as I am a F***** B**** as I am a Woman. To tell you the truth I was shocked for a minute as I had my child with my and so did he and still he was swearing in public place with lots of families.

I told him to mind his language, but he was talking like if he has learned only swearing in his school days. While telling him off I quickly raised my hand for the nearby staff so they can come and do something about this rude and racist guy. I could see so much hate on that Asian guy's face which I am sure was due to the fact that I am an Indian, Woman and on top I told him off for his rude behavior. The staff who came was a teenage boy and he called the Duty Manager. Even in front of the Staff he was still abusing me and calling me an idiot, which clearly showed he had no ethics or what so ever etiquettes. I felt pity on his son and could see what kind of future he will give to his son. When he saw the Duty manager he went back to water with his son, away from us asif he knew no one will do anything about it, and that's exactly what happened.

I complained to the Duty Manager about this incident, and the reply I got was that he will keep an eye on him. I was even more shocked at the way Gesac reacted on this incident was like nothing happened. Still me being upset as I didn't had in my plan for that day to be abused, screamed and sweared at, I went to the reception to complaint to someone in management. When I told the guy on the reception the whole thing he went inside and came back in not even a minute and told me that someone is going to have a look at it and will resolve it, and I told him I want them to take action and let me know the result or I will call Police. All this time that Asian guy is still in water and having fun and we left after all that drama.

Around 12.30pm I got a call from the guy from the reception and he told me that they went to the Asian guy and told him that they had a chat with Asian guy and he wont do it again. Yes this was there solution, Yes even with a big swimming center which is through council and had atleast 100 people there at the time of this incident that's who they deal with abuse against women.

I am not satisfied with their problem solving agenda. I had to run to different people to tell them the same story again and again and still all they did was nothing. He should have been spoken to right away when I reported abuse, as even one of the staff member was there when this all happened. But unfortunately, there is no such rules in place in Gesac, they didn't even asked the guy to leave, which in many companies is done.

After getting home I contacted some Women Help lines and legal lines but sadly there is nothing we can do if we suffer through such situation. So basically if you abused in public that best you can do it defend yourself and tell the abuser off, like what I did in my situation.

 

One more thing which can be done is call Police, yes in order to find a solution to this solution I called police and told them what happened and the reply I got was that I can give a written complaint to Gesac that I feel the situation was not dealt properly or next time if something like this happens than instead of wasting my time to call staff at Gesac (who did nothing), call Police.

 

I hope this wont happen again, but also abit relieved that what my daughter learned that day is to not accept abuse in anyway. She learned to raise hand against such incidents and not to be afraid of rude people. I am a Muma bear, I will always protect her and will support her.

 

Always stand for abuse against you or anyone, I felt alittle hearbreak that even in a big place like Gesac no one stood by me that day, which I will definitely do if someone goes through the same thing. Remember it could happen to anyone anywhere, so help others and stand by them if you see someone is experiencing abuse.

 

This is all based on True Incident.

 

Thank you for reading. :)